How to Deal with an Angry Boss: 5 Simple Tips

by Sep 18, 2013

If you like this blog post, here are Three More Brilliant Tips for Dealing with an Angry Boss

 

They overreact, intimidate and make your life a living you know what. They are angry bosses, abrasive leaders, and workplace meanies.

Everyone knows how unprofessional an angry boss can be. Unfortunately, your boss is still your boss and creating a good relationship with him or her is important. In the end, your angry boss has the upper hand and, if they really want to, can find a way to get you reprimanded, demoted or even fired.

The tricky part is figuring out how to stand up for yourself with an angry boss – in a way that is effective and allows you to keep your job. Fighting fire with fire is not going to work and keeping quiet will take a psychological and physical toll.

With all that said, here are five steps to deal with an angry boss in that angry moment:

Listen

Listening is hard, especially when your angry boss is yelling at you and looking at you disapprovingly. Most employees are tempted to retaliate and defend themselves, but listening is a wiser choice. Let your boss vent out some of that anger before you respond. Make sure to acknowledge that you are listening by making eye contact and using nonverbal cues, like nodding your head.

Acknowledge

Next, let your angry boss know that you understand he or she is angry. Validating their feelings will help them remain more open to feedback as the conversation continues. This might sound like: “I can see that you are really angry with me.”

You might also describe their aggressive body language, such as clenched fist or a red face, so that they are alerted to their unprofessional behavior. I’ve learned in my years coaching angry bosses that they may not even know they are engaging in such physical behavior. This might sound like: “I can see that you are angry about this based on your body language and tone of voice.”

Repeat

Your next step is to repeat what your boss said back to them to the best of your ability. Tell your boss what he or she told you, showing that you were listening. Reiterate the main concerns without repeating negative words that your boss used so that you can move the conversation in a more positive direction. We call this “taking the sting out.”

So if your boss is telling you he or she is horrified by your incompetence at answering customer service questions, for example, you might say:I can see that you are angry about this based on your body language and tone of voice. What I’m hearing is that you don’t like the way I go about problem-solving when it comes to customers because I asked the IT Dept about how to resolve it instead of going to my team lead first.”

Apologize

I know it feels like your boss is constantly getting mad at you for no reason, but if you did something wrong that set this interaction in motion, own up to your mistakes and apologize. Even if you don’t see the mistake, don’t think an apology is warranted, or think that your boss is being ridiculous, it’s still beneficial to apologize. Whether you see it or not, it was clearly a mistake in your boss’ eyes and they are looking for acknowledgement. 

In the long run, it will slow down your angry boss’ anger, and allow you to have a more productive conversation about how to move forward. Taking the first step may also influence them to apologize to you!

Ask

Step up and ask your boss how you can make things better and let them know what you need to be successful. If your boss responds by saying there is nothing you can do, suggest a couple of your own solutions to the problem. An angry boss usually can’t think of a good solution on the spot, so it is beneficial if you suggest some solutions of your own. Then try to agree on a solution and send an email confirming your understanding of the solution. Documentation will protect you in the future.   

Deal With an Angry Boss: Putting It All Together

With all five of these steps in mind, here’s what it’ll sound like:

I can see that you are angry about this based on your body language and tone of voice. What I’m hearing is that you don’t like the way I go about problem-solving when it comes to customers because I asked the IT Dept about how to resolve it instead of going to my team lead first.

 My apologies for doing that, I can see now that wasn’t the right way to go. I’d like to have a strategy for the future when I’m not sure who to ask. Should I just always ask my team lead first?”

Continue the Conversation

These five tips should help you to deal with an angry boss in those heated interactions you may face. In case you are not successful, you might suggest that you continue the conversation at a better time when your boss calms down. Explain that you’d like to continue the conversation when they calm down, and then exit their office.

If your boss is frequently disrespectful and angry, and speaking up for yourself hasn’t changed their behavior, take it to a higher power. Speak to someone in a higher position than your boss and see if they can help you solve the behavior. You can also try HR.

Your employer can address this behavior by getting them a coach like me. I have found that abrasive leaders can and will change with the right push, even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment. Seriously, I coach angry bosses myself, even wrote an ebook about it

When speaking to HR, if you need some tangible evidence that your boss is engaging in bad behavior, check out this free diagnostic. It’ll ask you to select the behaviors your boss is engaging in, and you will receive a report you can provide your HR Dept.

If you’re looking for a resource for yourself, give my book, BACK OFF! a try. It’s got lots of useful tips, and I honestly poured my heart and soul into it.

Whatever the organization chooses, make sure to continue standing up for yourself in the moment, or else you are reinforcing your boss’ behavior. And if you see him or her go after another employee, step in for them as well. The more the behavior is challenged the more your boss is inclined to change it.

Do you know how much money chronically bad behavior costs your company? Spoiler alert – it’s a LOT higher than you want it to be. Download our data and worksheet to see how it’s costing your organization and what you can do to fix it.

 

About Catherine Mattice

Catherine Mattice, MA, SPHR, SHRM-SCP is President of consulting and training firm, Civility Partners, and has been successfully providing programs in workplace bullying and building positive workplaces since 2007. Her clients include Fortune 500’s, the military, several universities and hospitals, government agencies, small businesses and nonprofits. She has published in a variety of trade magazines and has appeared several times on NPR, FOX, NBC, and ABC as an expert, as well as in USA Today, Inc Magazine, Huffington Post, Entrepreneur Magazine, and more. Catherine is Past-President of the Association for Talent Development (ATD), San Diego Chapter and teaches at National University. In his book foreword, Ken Blanchard called her book, BACK OFF! Your Kick-Ass Guide to Ending Bullying at Work, “the most comprehensive and valuable handbook on the topic.” She recently released a second book entitled, SEEKING CIVILITY: How Leaders, Managers and HR Can Create a Workplace Free of Bullying.

How Companies Can Support Single Parents

Single parents face increased pressure as they balance full-time employment with the responsibility of caring for their children. This heightened pressure comes from various factors, such as economic challenges, limited support systems, and the need to provide for...

Why Your Reward System For Employees Can Fail Badly

Last week marked the celebration of Employee Appreciation Day! During this special time, many companies express their gratitude to their workforce, and one common way they do it is by giving out rewards.  Reward systems are a crucial aspect of employee motivation and...

Can a Wage Increase Make Employees More Productive?

In California, the upcoming minimum wage boost for fast food workers to $20 starting April 1st has ignited discussions about its potential influence on worker productivity.  Currently, the median hourly wage for fast-food workers in the U.S. is $13.43, while in...

Why Every Leader Needs to Worry About Toxic Work Culture

Employees quit their jobs for different reasons, and a major one is because of a toxic workplace environment. In fact, researchers discovered that between April and September 2021, toxic culture was the main reason why employees decided to leave their jobs. A toxic...

Civility Partners at 15 Years!

2024 marks an incredible milestone for us—our 15th-anniversary celebration! Yes, you read that right—15 years of making a positive impact on over 270 organizations served, thousands of employees, and millions of people worldwide! Thanks to the vision of our founder...

Driving Organizational Success Through Behavior Change

How can you make your workplace more exciting and successful?  Organizational success is not solely dependent on strategies or cutting-edge technologies. Instead, the key driver of success lies within the organization itself—specifically, within the collective...

How Much is Your Culture Costing You?

Creating a positive workplace culture isn't just a nice-to-have; it's a key player in the success of any business. It goes beyond token gestures like wellness days and promotions; it's fundamentally about how you treat your people, the support you extend to your team,...

Are you bamboozled by your company’s culture?

Your first day at a new job is a lot like embarking on an adventure. You step through the doors, eager and optimistic, your mind filled with expectations set by the promises of the company’s values and mission. For some, these principles are more than just words on a...

The Brave Leader’s Edge: Vulnerability in Leadership

How many times have you cried in front of your team? How many times have you admitted to not having all the answers or feeling unsure about the direction ahead? In the traditional realm of leadership, these instances might have been considered taboo or signs of...

3 Organizations that are Combating Technology-Facilitated Abuse

The reach of technology is astonishingly broad. It's awesome how it brings us all closer, but when it's not handled well, it can cause some serious problems too. From monitoring phone conversations to tracking someone's every move through GPS, access to emails, texts,...